apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize