k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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