While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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