I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
