She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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