I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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