The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
