How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Liz is crying about burritos again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
