last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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