Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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