Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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