I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
