I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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