he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
