Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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