Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
