he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just invented taco cereal.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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