saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I pour the whiskey from now on
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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