Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
