You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize