I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
