3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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