look no pants
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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