It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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