did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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