Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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