I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
