Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
