I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
