Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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