Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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