are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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