I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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