And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
