he referred to my room as the tit cave...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't deserve a penis
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
