How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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