Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
