I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
