dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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