I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
