I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
