I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
