you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
