She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
