I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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