he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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