I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
