Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
