You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
