Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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