did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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