This is not my ceiling
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
