Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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