he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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