It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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