You just made me feel so damn special
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.