I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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