morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
