Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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