Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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