Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
