WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
