yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
