You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
