The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
