I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
