It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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